Why Didn't His Oniisama Love Him?
by HikariSorayume11
Summary: "What is your idea of fun, Kallu?"
Why didn't his oniisama love him? He always did what he was supposed to, always listened to his mother, always made sure to do the right thing.

And yet, when he questioned his older brother about it, he simply replied:

"You have no sense of freedom." And continued to play with his building blocks in the sandpit with Alluka.

He did not have a sense of freedom? If he, who was allowed to walk freely around the mansion, did not retain the image of this "freedom", then what right did Alluka have, who had even less freedom than him? How could Alluka, who spent most days locked away in a safe within their mansion, have the right to something he didn't, when clearly she hadn't more freedom then he?

"Alluka may be locked in, but she is more free than you."

Kalluto had known this, had seen it implied through his brothers actions to stick with Alluka-Nisan. Oniisama had not needed to drive the jab home.

"But... Oniisama, I am "free"."

A shriek was heard from behind Kalluto, and he turned to see his mother striding up the long hill, delicately holding her skirt up between her forefinger and her thumb so that it would not get dirty from the sodden grass.

"Kalluto! Play time is over! Say good by to Killu!"

"Hai okaa-Sama." Kalluto turned to leave. He heard a slight huff, coaxing him to look back, albeit from the corner of his eye.

From his peripheral vision, Kalluto could see Killua shake his head, his bangs serving to slightly mask his face, even as he caught Kalluto's eyes to send him a disappointed look.

"And that's why you will never be free."

He turned fully. Kalluto stood still, carefully observing his brother. He stared at the deep cut frown which was edged on his face, at the white silky hair that fell in locks in front of his face, barely covering the tips of his eyes. Kalluto looked into his oniisama's cerulean gaze, searching for a depth of emotion, anything, spared for him. He himself did not know what he was looking for, his knowledge of different emotions limited rather than various. Perhaps this was what he meant by lack of freedom?

He wanted his older brother to feel something for him, other than the disappointment he felt from him. Kalluto knew his experience and intelligence was advanced for his age, exceeded normal limits, for he was only four. From the study Kalluto had conducted, he knew that other four year olds held intelligence barely above Mike's, and yet had hardly any discipline at all. Kalluto had both of these, and yet he felt he was somehow lacking.

His mother continued to ramble on. Something about "how can you play in this filth?!" And "your kimono is not suited for this kind of tardiness!" The latter of which did not make much sense to him. He only paid her half of his attention, only muttering an "hai Okaa-Sama" when her voice tilted upwards in an inquiry seemingly directed towards him.

Though slightly deterred and puzzled by his brothers response, the question still lingered fresh within his mind.

Why didn't his oniisama love him?

/

"What is your idea of fun, Kallu?" Killua had adopted a new nickname for him. A few years later and their relationship had improved significantly, but at the cost of Alluka's "freedom".

"Please do not call me that onii-Sama." Did he notice? Could he tell the difference, that Alluka was not there? Illu-niisan had planted a needle, to help keep onii-sama under control. Kalluto did not understand the need for this, nor did he agree with it. His mother did, however, and he would not oppose her.

Alluka spent almost all, if not most, of her time in her safe now. She only rarely came out, and never when Kalluto was around. The only times Alluka was ever mentioned within the confines of their household were when someone wished to make use of her power, which usually happened to be Millu-Niisan and for selfish reasons. This was still a rare case however, happening twice a year, at the most, and never by the same person. Kalluto had never been fond of Alluka-niisan. Had been envious of her for being able to spend time with his oniisama. There would be none of that now, as Killua had him, and only him.

Kalluto still wondered sometimes, what did he mean by "freedom"? Killua had never bothered to elaborate on the matter after that, and Kalluto did not wish to bring it up, feeling as though doing so was asking for outright rejection. Killua still spoke with him after that, however sparse, and that was enough.

"Then what would you like to be called?" Kalluto did not skip a beat, quickly replying with the answer that he thought would show the most "freedom".

"Call me Kallu-chan." It was not a question, but rather a demand. Killua seemed puzzled by his choice, his eyebrow furrowed and the other raised in askance. When he did not recieve an answer, he smiled brightly before placing his hand on Kalluto's head and giving it a slight pat. Kalluto had only seen him show such affection to Alluka, and smiled softly even as his face began to warm at the prospect of being held at the same regard. He had only ever felt lower than his siblings, suppressed and oppressed by their often ominous presences. Illumi was suffocatingly powerful, Milluki was an overridden pig, Alluka had Nanika and then there was oniisama. He was suffocatingly powerful too, just like Illu-nii. The only difference was that Illu-Nui would not let you forget it, and never showed a shroud of emotion, much like Kalluto himself. Kalluto knew he could never reach Illu-nii's level though, not when he yearned for so much more. He did not particularly like the idea of drama, but more so that of simple things and ideals. So when Killua pulled him into an unsuspecting hug, Kalluto was delightfully surprised and immediately returned it.

"You never answered my question, Kallu-chan." Kalluto liked that he had made sure to abide his wishes, and even if he had asked him to call him that on a whim, he felt he liked the way his oniisama said it, with a slight lilt which made the ending "chan" curve upwards rather than down. It was happily uplifting and gave the nickname a musical ring, as even the "Kallu" was said in a slighty higher pitch and on an uplifting note as well. "What do you enjoy?"

And Kalluto could truthfully state with a wide smile

"Spending time with my oniisama."

/

I wanted to include Illumi teaching Kalluto nen so that he could be stronger


End file.
